Whenever I cover the catastrophically embarrassing Thomas Markle and Samantha Markle, I always have to remind myself that the Princess of Wales has embarrassing relations too, only Kate’s relations are often being tasked to behave or say certain things to “embiggen” Kate specifically. It would be like Thomas Markle getting talking points from Meghan instead of Piers Morgan. That’s what Gary Goldsmith is like – Gary is Kate’s uncle and Carole Middleton’s brother. Gary is a convicted wife-beater and really dodgy overall. I’m also starting to wonder if none of these people have as much money as they’ve always claimed. I always thought that Gary had quietly financed Carole’s life and the lives of Carole’s children (because Party Pieces never cut it), but given Gary’s overeagerness to (I would assume) get paid to talk sh-t about the Sussexes, I kind of wonder if Gary is just as broke-ass as the Middletons.
Anyway, last December and January, Goldsmith was all over the Daily Mail, crying about how the Duchess of Sussex is “jealous” of Kate, and how Prince Harry’s Spare was full of stories of Meghan being rude to poor Kate and William. Gary was sent out specifically to “refute” the Sussexes’ Netflix series and Harry’s Spare. It didn’t work. Well, now Uncle Gary is here to tell us what to think about Harry’s breezy appearance at the coronation. The Mail gave Gary a byline, like he “wrote” this, but at the end of the piece, the Mail notes: “As told to Claudia Joseph.” So someone else wrote it and Gary just performed it or put his name on it. Some bonkers highlights:
When he saw Prince Harry at the Chubbly: The Waleses – Kate, William and Charlotte and Louis – all looked amazing and were for many of us the most confident and relaxed in this setting. More than could be said of Prince Harry, just a few rows behind, who looked disengaged and like a petulant, sulking teenager.
Kate is the monarchy’s most prized asset: So how has this sporty little girl, who so loved dousing me, her Uncle Gary, in water fights in the Middleton family back garden, become the future Royal Family’s most prized asset? Knowing her like I do, I’d say it is her authenticity. She’s a very genuine person. I don’t think you could pretend to be anything you’re not when you’re in the spotlight for a never-ending period of time. The cracks would show.
Harry is the “brat” according to Gary: There was Harry, awkward personified, behaving like a spoilt brat, flying back to LA that quickly for his son’s birthday party. I mean… you get a birthday every year, whereas your father becoming King is kind of a big deal. He was trying desperately hard to make the day about him and it was absolutely brilliant everybody ultimately ignored him. Harry who?
The evolving Royal Family: My favourite moment of the day was the encore on the balcony when Charles came back out to wave at everybody. It was the first time I had seen his face relax. The tension just dropped away. As for the comment that the balcony was ‘too white’, I’ve never been so offended by something on TV. I think we can all appreciate the fact that the Royal Family is evolving fairly rapidly, and if it’s not Usain Bolt fast enough for everybody, then I think they need to get over themselves – change is obviously happening. Forget Meghan and Harry, the Prince and Princess of Whining. The King and Queen and Prince and Princess of Wales are the new Fab Four.
Again, this is just as embarrassing as any of Thomas Markle’s interviews. The only difference is that Gary has been tasked with flattering William and Kate and he’s doing this with the Windsors’ permission. They want him out there, calling Harry names and saying all of this crap. It’s also still kind of amazing that everyone from Gary Goldsmith to the royal reporters to Prince William’s leaky office are all still singularly focused on Harry’s quickie coronation appearance. “Harry who?” The Harry you can’t stop talking about. Harry wasn’t sulking either – he looked like a king in his Dior suit, and all eyes were on him, nationally and internationally. Anyhoodle, is Gary Goldsmith desperate for cash or something? It’s pathetic that he keeps getting rolled out to bash the Sussexes.
Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.
Gary Goldsmith turns up to court for sentencing charged with domestic assault of Julie-Ann outside their central London home,Image: 356321976, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: , Model Release: no 
Gary Goldsmith arrives at the wedding of Pippa Middleton and James Matthews at St Mark’s Church, Englefield, Berkshire, UK. 20/05/2017.,Image: 513155276, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: NO UK USE FOR SEVEN DAYS- Fee Payable Upon Reproduction – For queries contact Avalon.red – sales@avalon.red London: +44 (0) 20 7421 6000 Los Angeles: +1 (310) 822 0419 Berlin: +49 (0) 30 76 212 251, Model Release: no, Credit line: – / Avalon 
Gary Goldsmith arrives at the wedding of Pippa Middleton and James Matthews at St Mark’s Church, Englefield, Berkshire, UK. 20/05/2017.,Image: 513155285, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: NO UK USE FOR SEVEN DAYS- Fee Payable Upon Reproduction – For queries contact Avalon.red – sales@avalon.red London: +44 (0) 20 7421 6000 Los Angeles: +1 (310) 822 0419 Berlin: +49 (0) 30 76 212 251, Model Release: no, Credit line: – / Avalon
The Duke of Sussex arriving arriving ahead of the coronation ceremony of King Charles III and Queen Camilla at Westminster Abbey, central London. Featuring: Prince Harry The Duke of Sussex Where: London, United Kingdom When: 06 May 2023 Credit: PA Images/INSTARimages **NORTH AMERICA RIGHTS ONLY** 
Departures from Westminster Abbey after the Coronation of King Charles III and Queen Camilla. Featuring: Prince Harry Where: London, United Kingdom When: 06 May 2023 Credit: PA Images/INSTARimages **NORTH AMERICA RIGHTS ONLY** 
Prince Harry leaving Westminster following the coronation ceremony of King Charles III and Queen Camilla in central London, UK on May 6, 2023. Photo by Raphael Lafargue/ABACAPRESS.COM Featuring: Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex Where: London, United Kingdom When: 06 May 2023 Credit: PA Images/INSTARimages **NORTH AMERICA RIGHTS ONLY**
The British Royal family make an appearence on the balcony of Buckingham Palace after the Coronation Where: London, United Kingdom When: 06 May 2023 Credit: Dutch Press Photo/Cover Images **NOT AVAILABLE FOR PUBLICATION IN THE NETHERLANDS OR FRANCE** 
Prince William of Wales and Catherine Princess of Wales during appearance on the Buckingham Palace balcony to watch the flypast after the procession and the coronation of the new King and Queen at Westminster Abbey in London, UK. Featuring: William, Prince of Wales and Catherine, Princess of Wales Where: London, United Kingdom When: 06 May 2023 Credit: Dutch Press Photo/Cover Images **NOT AVAILABLE FOR PUBLICATION IN THE NETHERLANDS OR FRANCE**ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7pLHLnpmirJOdxm%2BvzqZmcWlnaH15e8aaqbKXl6S5pb%2FMoquhl6Cntq%2BvxJifmqqirqy4rdKYmJiroKS2rcC%2Bm6marI%2BbvLOrxaWwoqaXlK%2Bir8qYq6iXk5a5qrLOq6WimV8%3D